The Day Roxas Met Dora
by ProductOfSilence
Summary: Roxas is sick, so he decides to watch TV. Dora the Explorer comes on, and Roxas feels the urge to answer her obvious questions with rude remarks. Read


Roxas sniffled as he stomped up the stairs of his apartment building angrily. He had woken up with an extremely runny nose, a sore throat that felt like it was a cat's scratching post, and he had constant sneezing fits. But, being the stubborn ass he is, he simply threw some medicine into his system and took off to meet with Axel at the bus stop.

As soon as Axel saw the blond, he immediately realized what was wrong. He ordered Roxas to go home and rest, and when Roxas refused he had thrown a fit and somehow got Demyx involved. They had dragged him all the way back to his apartment and forced him inside

"Stupid Axel." Roxas growled with a slight pout as he unlocked his front door and stepped inside. "I just have a cold; I don't understand why it's such a big deal…" Pouring himself a cup of tea, he plopped down on the couch and turned on his rarely used TV. Lots of colorful images greeted his vision and he heard some person chanting "Dora Dora Dora the Explorer!" His eye twitched; he hated the show already.

"What kind of messed up show is this?" He reached for the remote to change the channel, but the batteries chose to run out at that moment and he didn't have anymore to replace them. _Damn Murphy's Law…_He considered turning the TV off, but since he was sick he wanted to watch something. Turning his attention back to the TV he realized that the opening song had ended and the show had already started. Now the screen showed a little Mexican girl and a blue monkey wearing…boots?

"Where can we find blueberries to make our blueberry pie?" The little blue monkey asked.

"Let's ask the map!" The girl answered, presenting her purple backpack which had a face. A colorful rainbow swirled in the background as the backpack sang "Backpack backpack!" over and over again. Once it was done singing, out flew a rolled up map with eyeballs and a mouth.

"What the hell?" Roxas wondered aloud. The map was now fluttering around an opened up map. _I thought __he__ was supposed to be the map, not showing another one off. _

"To get to the blueberry bush you have to cross the alligator filled moat, get past the troll under the bridge, and climb up the mountain!" Roxas stared at the map with a weird look on his face.

"I'll tell you again! To get to the blueberry bush you have to cross the alligator filled moat, get past the troll under the bridge, and climb up the mountain!" Roxas's eye twitched.

"One more time! To get to the blueberry bush you have to cross the alligator filled moat, get past the troll under the bridge, and climb up the mountain!"

"Why the hell did you need to repeat it three times? We heard it perfectly the first time, thanks," Roxas muttered, already growing irritated with the show. Dora and the monkey named Boots had now gotten to the alligator filled moat, and were trying to figure out how to get across it.

"How will we get across the moat?" Dora asked the audience. "Do you have an idea?"

"I don't know, maybe if you walked AROUND it!" Roxas snapped. "I mean, the moat is tiny! Stop being lazy and asking us what to do, and just walk around it!"

"Good idea! We'll jump across the alligators' heads to get to the other side!" Dora said cheerfully.

"Are you deaf? I didn't even say that!" To anyone watching him, Roxas probably looked insane trying to get a little Mexican girl on a kid's TV show to answer him. "Ugh, fine! Be a show off and jump over the stupid alligator heads! Don't listen to me and take the easy way around."

"Jump with us over the alligators," Boots said. "Ready? Jump!" Roxas watched with a blank look as the two jumped over all five alligator heads.

"Tell me, why the hell do you need the audience to jump with you? _You're_ the ones in the show, not us! Do it yourself!" Deciding he needed a small break from the show, he dumped his empty tea cup in the sink and went to use the bathroom. By the time he got back, Dora had apparently already gotten past the troll under the bridge, and was just now leaving to find the mountain with the blueberry bush.

"Now we have to get up the mountain," They said, turning around to face the audience.

"But Dora, I don't see it!" Boots said with a worried look on his face. The mountain was looming behind them, in plain view.

"Me neither! Can you help us find it?" Dora asked.

"It's right behind you Dora!" Roxas screamed and flailed at the TV. Turning around, the two finally noticed it.

"There it is! Let's go!" Dora didn't even take two steps before she heard some weird laughter and stopped.

"Oh no, it's Swiper!" Boots exclaimed in horror. _What the hell is a Swiper?_ Roxas wondered.

"Where is Swiper?" Dora asked. "Can you help us find him?"

"He's popping up everywhere behind you! If you would just turn around for once, just once, you would see him!" Roxas yelled, pointing madly at the fox behind them. Swiper finally stepped out in front of them, and Roxas sighed in annoyance. _These people can only see what's in plain view in front of them._

"We must stop Swiper! Everyone say Swiper, no swiping!"

"How in the world would just saying Swiper no swiping make the stupid fox back down?" Roxas scoffed. Yet as Dora and Boots continuously chanted Swiper, no swiping, he started to give up.

"Oh man!" Swiper snapped his fingers, then took off. Roxas stared in disgust as Dora and Boots did a little victory dance.

"Why did you run away, you dumb fox?" Roxas screamed after Swiper. "How is a little Mexican girl and a monkey wearing boots gonna hurt you? They can't even see anything right behind them!" Taking a deep breath, the blond leaned back and tried to relax. _I'm taking this show waaaay too seriously…_

"Now we have to climb up the mountain to reach the blueberry bush. Will you climb with us?" Dora asked, turning towards the audience.

"No way in hell."

"Good!" Dora said cheerfully.

"Not good! I said no, damn it!"

Dora turned back to the mountain and started to climb it. "Lift your hand and grab onto the rock. Do the same with your other hand. Then, lift your feet and find some footholds. Good!"

"How do you expect me to climb with you when I have no mountain to climb?" Roxas growled, glaring at Dora. "What am I supposed to climb, the fucking wall?"

Two minutes later Dora was up the mountain, much to Roxas's aggravation. "It only took you two minutes to get up! Mountain my ass, it's more like a hill!"

"We've finally reached the blueberry bush! Now we can take some blueberries back for our blueberry pie!" Boots cheered, dropping some of the blueberries into a bucket.

"Thanks for all your help!" Dora cheerfully told the audience. Dora and Boots then started singing and doing a little victory dance. Roxas's eye twitched for the umpteenth time that day.

"What is your problem, Dora? You decide to travel to a blueberry bush fifteen minutes away to get stupid blueberries for a stupid blueberry pie, when there's a market five minutes away from your house! I hope those blueberries are poisonous!" The short boy exploded. "And for the last time Dora, you're a freaking cartoon! We can't help you hop across alligators, make Swiper stop swiping, or climb up a mountain, so stop asking us to!"

Roxas panted, a smirk spreading across his face. He felt quite good about himself. Until he heard Zexion's voice, that is.

"Roxas, what are you doing?" He jerked his head towards the door to see Axel, Demyx, and Zexion standing there with bags of what he assumed was medicine and food in their arms.

"Umm…how long were you guys standing there?" Roxas's face was as red as Axel's hair.

"Ever since you started screaming at Dora asking her what her problem was," Demyx said. His face was red from trying to hold in laughter.

"Oh…" Roxas looked down, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Errr… Rox, I think the cold has gotten to your head… Go lay down for a bit and get some rest, I'll be there in a second," Axel suggested, placing a hand on Roxas's shoulder.

"Yeah, I think I'll do that," Roxas muttered, turning and heading to his room. Glancing back, he saw Demyx rolling on the floor laughing, and Zexion was trying to suppress giggles. Axel was also chuckling. _Those bastards…they don't understand how stressful that show can be!_

Stomping into his room and slamming the door shut, he flopped onto his bed and curled up under the covers. _I'm just gonna forget that I ever met Dora the Explorer…_

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WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?

XD I was sick the other day and Dora came on and I decided to relive my child hood right? So after five minutes of watching I realized how…_ infuriating _the show can be TT_TT I mean really Dora! It was right behind you! And don't get me started on Swiper! Oh no ho ho, That stupid fox Dx

I suppose there is hinted AkuRoku, and It's rated T for swearing… Please Review :3


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